Fame is a vapor, popularity an accident, and riches take
wings. Only one thing endures and that is character.
~Horace Greeley
This past month, I found myself in the middle of a
popularity contest.
I was nominated for Military Spouse of the Year. (Those of you that know me, know how
anti-social and hermit-like I get, know me for my biting sarcasm and hot temper
can laugh now.)
Let me stop here, and say that the person who nominated me
did so because she thinks I deserve it, and wants me to be recognized for the
work I put in, married to the Army. I
know she had no idea what was going to happen, and I know if she knew what this
would turn into, she would have skipped the nomination entirely.
It took me several days to accept the nomination. I am finally, finally past the point in life
where I want, and need, recognition for my life as it is now. I just want to go about my life, help who I
can, and go home at the end of the day. Although, as a friend of mine pointed out, Military Spouse Appreciation Day means free doughnuts at the PX, and that is a glorious, wonderful thing. I'll take some recognition in the form of doughnuts.
I have not forgotten what it was like to be that brand new
wife, terrified of what was coming, unsure of what to do, or who to turn
to. And I try to remember that wife that
I was, to offer whatever wisdom and strength, or tips and tricks that I might
have to the wives who are where I was. With
that in mind, and despite my trepidation about the thing, I accepted the
nomination.
Instantly, I was bombarded with spam email, wanting me to
buy a magazine, wanting me to spend money on a subscription, and look to see
how much money I would save if I bought a year’s worth right now!!. Just as quick as the advertisements came, I
was irritated. My first thought was that
this whole Military Spouse of the Year was nothing but a gimmick to sell more
magazines, and I went to the website, determined to withdraw my nomination, and
get on with things. Again, I remembered,
the wives that stand where I once did, and in the hopes that I could offer any
sort of help, in any sort of way, I kept the nomination in place.
It took me weeks to get my profile together. I was busy.
The stereotype of a stay-at-home mother, who sits on the couch and eats
bonbons all day, is a myth in this house.
It took me weeks to pull myself out from laundry, scrubbing the kitchen,
planning pre-school lessons for my Sprout, taking small moments for the hubs
and me, nurturing and building a small business, and when all of that was done,
taking 2.5 seconds for myself. When I
finally found myself with some free time, I got a profile together. And that was it.
No campaigning, no talking about it, no creating groups and
events on facebook, no messaging friends, no sending texts and emails. I just created the profile and went on my
way. Nothing drives me crazier than
dealing with spam of any kind, so why would I want to spam Vote for Me!!, all over the internet and everywhere
else.
And more importantly, I did not want to campaign. I do not want someone to vote for me because
I had the link up in 15,000 different places, but because they knew me, took
some time to find out who I was, and because they thought I might deserve
it.
Voting day came. This
is about the time when I realized that Military Spouse of the Year was going to
get ugly.
I was bombarded with texts, emails, messages on facebook,
invites to groups and events on facebook, and even a phone call, about who I
was voting for, and why I should vote for this person. It was
then I started to see this whole thing for what it really was.
One giant popularity contest.
This is not to say that the nominees are not worthy of
this. Or that they should not be
recognized for their hard work. I am
sure the nominees are fantastic wives, who put everything they have into
helping their soldiers, keeping their families together, and living their
lives. I know the nominee from my neck
of the woods is all of those things, and more.
The attention nominees are bringing to their various causes is a
wonderful thing, and an opportunity for all of us to find ways to help. This is the good side of Military Spouse of
the Year.
Once the veneer was off, and I could really see this whole
thing for what it was, I lost my appetite for it. No matter how wonderful a spouse is, no
matter what she is bringing attention to, or what she is doing with her life,
it becomes, at the end, nothing but who knows the most people, and who can get
the most votes.
We, as military wives, have enough division in our
lives. We have enough to bicker over and
argue about. We need things to draw us
together, to prop each other up with, to support each other with. Putting together a contest to a) draw in more
subscriptions to a magazine, and that b) turns into a popularity contest, does
that opposite of that.
Why is what one spouse doing more important than what the
rest of us are doing?? We should all
be Military Spouse of the Year, for doing all that we do, and simply getting
through the day, each and every day? Why
should one of us be better than the rest??
With those questions in mind, I’ll end on this note.
My name is Jennifer Brown.
I have been married to my husband for 3 years. I have made it through a
deployment (I’m staring down another one now), a solitary pregnancy, childbirth
without him, training missions, staff duty, schooling, and all kinds of things
in my time with him.
I am NOT the Military Spouse Magazine’s Spouse of the Year,
for 2013. The odds are slim that I will
ever be on the cover of a magazine, or nationally applauded for what I do in my
life. I am no better than the men and women who are
married to service members, I do not do anything more than they do (oftentimes
I do less). I stand shoulder to shoulder
with them, helping out when I can, being helped when I need it. I am shoulder to cry on, cheerleader,
babysitter, and Battle Buddy.
At the end of the day, my husband loves me, respects me for
who I am, my child thinks I am fabulous, and my family loves me. And
that is truly all that matters.
~Jennifer
If this happens next year, I’m turning the nomination down.
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