This Child

I prayed for this child, and the Lord has granted me what I asked of him.
1 Samuel 1:27

I prayed for Layla.  Through the years of suffering and torment and abuse, through the long parade of Mr. All Wrong.  While at the same time I did not think I was mother material, I wondered where my child was.  Where was the tiny head to snuggle against my heart, where was the life I needed.

I needed her.  I needed her more than she needed me (still do, truth be told).  I needed the reminder of joy through the harsh seasons, I needed to know I was not alone.  I needed the kicking in the middle of the night, the morning sickness, the backaches.  I needed that tiny head laid on my chest, still wet with afterbirth, looking up at me.

I needed late nights, early mornings, burping, changing diapers, buying clothes, folding baby diapers.  I needed the mess and chaos that a child brings.

I needed the wonder and awe a baby brings.

I have a raging case of baby fever.  I want that little sibling for my treasured first child, I want the new life, and the chaos and mess that two will bring.  But like last time, deep down, I know that when the time is right, when that child is meant to be, life will come.

So, just like I prayed for Layla, even when she did not have a name, even when I thought she would never come, I will pray for the next.

~Jennifer