My Military Child

Late at night, when I am tucking Layla back into bed, after she wakes up wanting her lovey, or a paci, I still hold her. She leans her head, now covered in blonde hair that is close to the color mine was when I was her age, on my chest, and falls asleep listening to my heartbeat. It is something she has done since she was a tiny newborn, and I still let her. I will probably let her sleep like this when she's 30.

While she is sleeping, I wonder where her life will lead her, what path she will walk; and I worry, more than I admit most days, that the life her father and I have, the one where he wears a uniform and combat boots to work, will have a deep, lasting impact on her. I worry that growing up in the Army will mean she is a loner, that will never know what roots are, that she will know fear more than she knows happiness.

There are things that I can not protect her from. She will see her father leave, she will know where he is, she will know what deployment means, she will know what war means. And she will know these things when she is so young, when innocence is still with her, when she should be playing with dolls and playing dress-up with my clothes. I can not protect her from the truth, that this life means sacrifice.

Conversely, there are so many good things she will know. She will know to keep what is truly important, and to let go of extra junk that we can not take with us. She will know that it takes courage and strength to stand up for what you believe in. She will know that her father gave everything he had, his blood, sweat and tears, to his country, and would do it all over again. She will know that it is not the quantity of time you have, but the quality, it is what you do with you with your time, that the most important days are the days you spend with your family. She will know that family is not just the people you share DNA with, the but the people you share your life with. She will know the words to the anthem, and more than likely she will know Dogfaced Soldier, if we stay stationed here much longer.

Most importantly, she will know that heroes are not the people in the movies, but the men and women who fight everyday for us.

The Army is going to teach her things I can not protect her from, can not shield her from; and things I can not teach her, but that she needs to know. She will be tested, pushed to her breaking point, and in the end, she'll emerge from the hard days stronger, tougher, and more independent. While part of me wants to shield her from it all, to keep her protected, part of me knows what she will face as an Army brat is so very good.

After all, only the hottest fire makes the best steel.

~Jennifer

Video games with Daddy, as she sees him most often ,in uniform.