a break with tradition...

A Change: Normally, I write about my life as an Army wife. This letter, these thoughts, have been sitting in the back of my mind. As much as marrying into the Army changed my life, finding out I was pregnant has changed it further. This has rearranged everything, changed my priorities, and provided me with an entirely new set of worries. I will get back to my usual musings on life next blog.

Dear Child,

I hope you're having fun, bouncing around off my internal organs, playing bongo drums on my bladder. I can feel you now, a fluttery sensation that never fails to make me smile.

You are the subtle reminder that my life with your Daddy, that the glorious days, weeks, and the handful of months we had together, was not a dream. You are proof that this will all come to an end. You are the reason why I get out of bed, when I don't want to.

It's been 14 weeks, give or take, since that tiny little miracle of creation started your life. You're roughly the size of a peach, I could hold you in the palm of my hand and have plenty of room to spare. And already, the struggles of life have touched you.

I am sorry that war has taken Daddy from you. I am sorry that he is not here to talk to you, to laugh when you make me pee myself, to listen to your heartbeat. I am sorry that war is already touching your life, and taking away the other reason why you are here.

From both of us, you will get something, your father's hair, my eyes, that lopsided grin your father has when he is trying to get out of trouble, my toes. I want, more than anything, for you to get your father's heart. It is his love you for, and for me, that drives him, that pushes him to be his very best, every day. It is love for his country, and for us, that was with him on the day he left me, and you, even though we had no idea you were with us.

You need to have his courage. It takes courage to do what he does, and respond every time the country calls, needing him to act. It takes courage to stand up for what you belief in, when so many many people believe you are wrong.

Know that, with each day that you grow, you are one day closer to having Daddy back, that he will be home before you can do much beyond roll over and hold your head up. I promise, I will take pictures, shoot video, and anything else of everything I can do, so that Daddy does not miss out on those first few days. When he comes home, I am sure he will do his very best to spoil you rotten, to make up for lost time.

Above everything else… know that Daddy loves you, probably more than I do. While I stay here, and get to enjoy having you with me, Daddy loves you enough to protect you from everything. Daddy loves you enough to go to war for you, my baby.

~Mommy