Big Girl Panties

It has been a rough, wild two weeks since deployment. If it could go wrong, it has, and done so in a spectacular, wild fashion that would make a Hollywood movie proud.

In the midst of all this chaos and hair-pulling stress, I discovered a few things:

My FRG rocks. The stereotype; of it being nothing but a gossipy officer's wives club, that they wouldn't do anything for me, it isn't true. At least not for me. It was my FRG that pulled together to get me through my first crisis.

I kept my big girl panties on. I had, knowing myself, believed I would meltdown at the first sign of trouble, and end up crying on the floor of the closet. And yes, I was stressed. And yes, I cried a few times. But I kept going, kept digging in, until each crisis I weathered passed.

Do I wish the Sergeant was here? With each breath I take, with each beat of me, all of that melodramatic stuff. I really could have used his shoulder to cry on, I would have loved to have leaned against him, poured my heart out, and let him deal with all the things going on in my life. What I wanted more than anything was his calming presence, letting me relax for a few hours.

The harsh reality of it is that he is not here. I was left on my own to deal with the small catastrophes that have dominated my life the past few weeks. This is but the first of these times, when I am forced to deal with life, without the Sergeant's help.

I've heard that deployment changes the wife as much as it changes the soldier. And I have seen how much it is true. This is going to be a long, difficult, challenging year, and at the end of it, I won't be the unsure girl ready to bolt at the first sign of trouble.

The evolution of Jennifer continues.

~Jennifer