Time...

I had this huge, passive-aggressive post written, about the rights of the Army wife. And this morning, in the warm light of dawn, I thought better of it, and instead, decided to focus on us. Truth is, us is more important than any petty argument about who has the right to keep an Army-wife blog. I still have my opinion about that, and about who said it, but that is part of my point in this write-up. It doesn’t really matter.

All that matters is that every day, he comes home to me. All that really matters is that we love each other enough to struggle through anything, to work through anything, to fight for, and towards, each other. This is not a bond easily broken, it is one we strengthen each day, each time we have a pillow fight, mouth-argue over who uses more hot water in the shower, or who’s turn it is to let the dogs out. We are building our bond, each moment at a time. And that is what is important.

But over this happy layer of love and sunshine, the specter of war looms closer and closer. As is my routine, I surfaced from sleep just before the alarms went off, and rolled over to check them. In my sleep-deprived state, today’s date slammed into me, and took away the ability to breath for a second. It’s just Tuesday, May 18th. Which means we over halfway done with May, which means we are now less than two months from departure.

The anticipation with which I counted down the first days of this month, wishing away the days, making sure everything was perfect, steam cleaning, dusting, putting fresh sheets on the bed, is now replaced by a sense of stupidity. I was such an idiot. Wishing him home from training, was wishing him closer to deployment. Each day is slipping by, faster and faster, and no matter how much I cling to him, no matter how much I wish for the world to stop, the day is coming.

So here I sit, being excessively greedy with my time, unwilling to share, moody and irritable at times, close to tears at others, and at times, virtually dropping into his lap, demanding attention. With the days winding down, I am determined more than ever to make the best of our time, keeping nothing back, missing no opportunity. And remembering to savor every moment, before time completely slips through my fingers.

~ Jennifer