A retraction...

I dislike crowds. Actually, if I’m perfectly honest, I hate them. It’s not that I dislike people, or that I think they’re all out to get me. But when you spend weeks as Frankenstein, stitched in place, jaw wired shut, stained with bruises, scrapes, and all manner of injuries, people stare. So, I got a little shy, and a little withdrawn, and when I would find myself in social situations, whoever I know, whoever I’m close to, finds me glued to their side.

As time has come between me and that awful period in my life, I’ve gotten a little better. Once I’m comfortable somewhere, the wanderlust kicks in, and I want to explore. But still, underneath the woman I am today; is the scared, hurt, little girl I was, trying to understand how love could hurt so badly. So, I’m still a little crowd shy.

But from the safety of his shoulder, which I either lean against, or hide behind, the world is a little safer. The camouflage colored world I’ve found myself in, is remarkably comforting. Slowly, little bit by little bit, I’m finding the courage I knew so long ago, when I would run out into the world, eager to see what it had in store. I was so wrapped up in the fear, of what could happen, that I missed out on huge portions of my life. And now, that I’m somewhere safe, that I have someone to run to, I get to have that life again.

I said once there was no safety, no security, in life with a soldier. I see now I was wrong. There is safety, there is the safety that he will move heaven and earth to keep me safe, there is safety in the tags that hang around my neck, and there is safety in the ACUs that hang on the back of the door, ready for Monday morning. Life is better, seen from the view I have now, knowing he’ll always be here when I need him.

~Jennifer